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Jun 01
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Memories for the Imagination

By Intersections

Memories for the Imagination

“Now when all the nation had finished crossing the Jordan, the Lord spoke to Joshua, saying, “Take for yourselves twelve men from the people, one man from each tribe, and command them, saying, ‘Take up for yourselves twelve stones from here out of the middle of the Jordan, from the place where the priests’ feet are standing firm, and carry them over with you and lay them down in the lodging place where you will lodge tonight.’”… Let this be a sign among you, so that when your children ask later, saying, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ then you shall say to them, ‘Because the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord’… So these stones shall become a memorial to the sons of Israel forever” (Joshua 4:1-7, NASB).

What do you remember? We recall lots of facts, but many important events and experiences are often forgotten. When the nation of Israel was freed from slavery and led to the promised land about 3,400 years ago (circa1451-1260 BCE), God wanted them to remember how the waters of the Jordan Rover were held back allowing the people to cross on dry ground! He instructed that 12 large stones carried from the other side be placed along the river bank as a memorial. “When the children ask, ‘What do these stones man to you?’” They can tell the amazing story of safe passage. God knows we need help remembering from time to time and memorial stones become an object lesson with a story.

Cold Spring Church Historic Ancestors Walk– One way Cold Spring Presbyterian Church remembers God’s activity in our lives during three centuries is through the thousands of markers and memorial stones placed across our cemetery campus. Our cemetery staff continue the tradition of dignified and personalized service to families. In all shapes and sizes, stones not only mark where the remains of loved ones were safely laid, but they also represent individual and community stories worth retelling. Later this month our Historic Ancestors Walk cemetery tours will invite the Cape May community to enjoy its new season. Our history-loving team of costumed docents and storytellers will recount heartfelt struggles, sadness, and grief along with inspiring stories of success, triumph, and hope of those who have been buried here. Visit online for our schedule to be posted soon. If you enjoy history and would like to join the team, please contact Elaine Jordan or email hello@coldspringchurch.com for more information.

How We Remember– There are three main memory functions in our brains: Sensory, Short-term, and Long-term. Sensory memory fills up with what’s happening now. Short-term memory processes information for a few minutes longer. If we attribute importance to it and repeatedly access it, it becomes a short-term working memory. Information that has great value to us is kept indefinitely as Long-term memory. This is the “remembering” part of the brain that is encoded with meaning, smells, colors, and other sensory attributes. These memories can deeply affect our future behaviors and attitudes. Being aware of what we remember informs our future.

Memorial Day each year represents personal (and national) awareness and reverence, honoring those Americans who died while defending our Nation and its values. Our national “Remembering Day” emerged before the end of the Civil War when women who lost family and friends annually gathered to place flowers on the graves of those who had fallen in the service of their country. A hymn published in 1867, “Kneel Where Our Loves are Sleeping” by Nella L. Sweet carried the dedication “To The Ladies of the South who are Decorating the Graves of the Confederate Dead” (Source: Duke University’s Historic American Sheet Music, 1850-1920).

In what part of your brain’s memory is Memorial Day remembered? Many visited our cemetery last weekend. The Veterans’ graves were honored with flowers. Memorial Day can be a gratitude-driven day of remembering.

Communities Have Memories– Listening to each other’s “memories” and honoring the values attributed to them is a great way to build a sense of neighborliness, solidarity, and a spirit of humble gratitude in the community at large.

Not only do individuals have memory, but so do communities, groups, institutions, and companies. Kensington, a northeast Philadelphia community, suffered from traumatic and troubled neighborhood memories. These memories were reinforced by racism, classism, and sexism which later stigmatized not only the people, but the place, as well. The neighborhood’s quality of life and associated economies promoted historical and persistent injustice and the abuse fragmented families and communities. Instead of ignoring the community’s stigma, we embraced the community through personal and direct engagement which empowered the neighborhood to imagine a new future.

Our love for the entire community and an empathetic recognition of those painful memories created positive connections. Leaders accepted and reframed painful memories to empowering stories during individual and small group exercises. Resolution and hopefulness emerged using simple tools. For example, the children shared their stories and imagined new narratives using crayons. Adults explored their ethnographies on a room-sized timeline to better understand their long-term memories. An entire community was transformed and you can read about their story in my new book, Crayons for the City, Reneighboring Communities of Faith to Rebuild Neighborhoods of Hope.)

Memories shape our life-narrative, and are affected by our biases. All of us have biases that change the way we evaluate information and form ideas, whether ideas about out past or when considering the future. When we are aware of our biases, we can honestly reflect on them, be more thoughtful, and our behaviors become more intentional. But when we are less aware of our biases, attitudes, moods, and predispositions, our understanding is clouded. Distorted memories can prevent us from being open to new ideas and cause us to feel stuck in the past, unable to move forward.

Deeply felt memories can be seductive. Like a familiar pair of comfy slippers, memories can lock us into debilitating sentimentality, or fear, anxiety, and pettiness. People gathering as congregations or teams can devolve into a Memory Organization (stuck in the past story) instead of growing into being an Imaginative Organization (co-creating a new future story).

Memories alone and without a shared context can provide marginal benefit and few positive outcomes. But memories can inform new, creative, learning that results in fresh ways of authentic, intentional, and active engagement and outcomes.

Many of our memories can imaginatively enrich the lives of those around us as we embrace a better, hopeful future.

Get Ready To Focus Your Vision! After worship in Price Hall on Sunday, June 24, you’re invited to enjoy a special luncheon that will be followed by an exciting and interactive learning experience for the entire congregation. We will build on our memories as we focus on our future vision. Pastor Kevin and Melissa will lead this special event. Will we discover how to grow from being only a Church with memories? to becoming a Spirit-led community of mission imagination! Plan to attend. All are welcomed!

Memorial Day is a great time to recall stories of those who sacrificed their lives in service to their country. Let’s honor them by using our memories to unlock our imaginations in God’s emerging future.

“Memories are not keys to the past, but to the future.” Corrie ten Boom

May 01
Love0

May 2018 Brickette

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May 01
Love0

Ministry of Loneliness

By Intersections

Lonely? Find hope here!

“I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me” (Matthew 25: 35).

While most countries around the world seem hyper-focused on security, the economy, education, jobs, housing, and justice (to name just a few important topics), there is a newly created governmental office in the United Kingdom that few saw coming. It’s the Ministry of Loneliness. Yes, loneliness. Not its promotion, of course, but an entire government office dedicated to reducing loneliness across the country. I think you will agree that Cold Spring Presbyterian Church is committed to addressing loneliness across our community, too.

The Ministry of Loneliness was launched after a twelve-month investigation reported that nine million Britons suffer from loneliness: fourteen per cent of the population. The elderly and the young were both cited in the studies as particularly affected. And this loneliness diagnosis is not Britain’s alone. Japan has identified elder loneliness, too. What’s going on?

Technology: All of our technology and communication improvements makes it easier and cheaper than ever to say connected, we are actually feeling less connected than ever! What we are learning is that as media/device use goes up, social interaction goes down.

And making maters worse, our time spent on device is less about producing content or helping us pay better attention, and more about consuming entertainment. We have tools of communicating, which is great. But we are not very good using tools to help us connect to the people and places in our life that matter the most.

Patterns of Behavior: We can be stranger-averse. That is, we can resist interacting and even noticing strangers in our community. From an early age we were admonished, “Don’t talk to strangers.” Stranger danger! Good advice. Well, for kids its absolutely great advice. Why? Because the developmental resources of a youngster is not sufficient for them to detect and defend themselves from danger. Their experience is limited. It’s necessary that children develop a sense of caution, especially around older kids and adults that could pose a risk.

But we’re not kids anymore. In stores. At church. On walks. At the beach. From cookouts to sports, and even the more solitary activities like gardening and fishing, can find us creating zones of isolation. For example, my grandparents’ house had a front porch from which they freely connected to those that passed by. By contrast, nowadays we have moved our “front porch” to the back and call it a “deck.” We tend to listen to narrow bands of information that can unintentionally reinforce our own tightly held opinions that can’t benefit from an exchange of ideas and promote understanding and learning. How many strangers do we stop and talk to?

Engage or Not Engage? Some of us just like to strike up conversations with others. Maybe our personality is more expressive. Perhaps we have had more trusting experiences with others that give us a sense of confidence and hopefulness that the next time we meet a stranger it will be positive. We may regard talking to strangers as polite behavior. But it can even be enjoyable to meet someone new and sometimes informative.

One the other hand, it’s perfectly acceptable to be more reserved. Change can be challenging for anyone. Meeting a stranger is being face to face with change. Some of us don’t like to initiate conversations with those we haven’t met before. We keep to ourselves. Maybe it’s a learned behavior that helps us feel safe. We have our reasons for avoiding unknown situations, or we just seem to keep hearing our parents’ advice echoing in our ears, “Don’t talk to strangers.”

Our learned resistance to welcoming strangers can unfortunately reinforce a culture of loneliness. We can go through our day feeling alone, even if we are surrounded by crowds of people. We can even feel like a stranger among a sea of strangers, unintentionally act distant, express distrust, and feel truly isolated. Extreme feelings of isolation are often associated with anxiety, fear, and depression. Because we focus our vision inward, we eventually feel stuck within our limited self-referenced experience. Organizations and even churches can promote a sense of loneliness, too. What can we do about loneliness? There is hope!

What Does the Bible Say? From the earliest of times, the Bible urged that kindness be extended to strangers, and not just as they pass by, but to make strangers your friends. The Bible consistently challenges the status quo with paying attention to those who have been excluded. Consider:“You shall love the stranger, for you were once strangers in the land of Egypt”(Deuteronomy 10:19). “The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God”(Leviticus 19:34).

Of course, Jesus came to us as a stranger and became our friend, our Savior. He said we were to treat everyone as we would treat him. In the crowds of people, where people can feel lonely, Jesus reached out to make everyone feel welcomed. No one was excluded. Think about the lost coin, lost sheep, and the lost coin, for example. In Acts, the earliest followers of Jesus seemed to be pretty attached to staying in Jerusalem, a place of relative familiarity and safety, rather than head off to places and peoples unknown. They were shocked that “even Gentiles” believed in Jesus, that you can eat all foods, and you didn’t have to become “Jewish” to become a “Christian.”

Take a Step. We can do something today to make a difference in our community, especially for those who may be experiencing severe loneliness. According to Talk-To-Me-London, a non-profit organization established several years ago to promote community building, we need to challenge existing norms around talking. Try these suggestions.

  1. Just begin to talk to strangers.It’s risky, but if you try, you might experience very positive outcomes! This advice is often overlooked because it’s just too simple of a solution, but doing so can help a person who feels isolated to make a new connection.
  2. Think about yourself.Think about what you would like more of – maybe time with friends or family, if so invite others with you. Often if you are lonely you think people do not want to visit. This is understandable but often people will respond to an invitation and will come and spend quality time with you. Pick up the phone, reach out!
  3. Take care of yourself.If you can do something to improve your health, take small steps to eat well, take gentle exercise and keep active, all of these things can help you to relax more fully in your own company.
  4. Get connected.Take a walk. Go to worship. Volunteer. Cold Spring Church has many activities that can be perfect places to meet new people. Volunteer to help others get ministry goals accomplished. Check our calendar for activities that are already scheduled. Cape May offers abundant activities, centers, and groups. Walking groups and tours. Singing groups. Book clubs and even bridge.
  5. If you feel very lonely, speak now to a health worker.Long term loneliness could contribute to later depression and other health problems. Your GP, primary care physician, should be able to direct you to local services that can help.

Every friendship you value now initially started as conversation with a stranger. Imagine the possibilities. Talking to strangers can help create a better world. Jesus’ mission was to show us what a real friend is like (John 15:13). Remember that God loves you (John 3:17-18) and Jesus “moved into the neighborhood” (John 1:14), and into your home, among your family and friends, to bless your life (John 10:10). “Behold!” Jesus said, “I am right there at your door.” Ready to bless your life. Just open the door and you will find that amazing, abundant, hopeful life that lasts forever! (Rev. 3:20ff).

“Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? …The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me’” (Matthew 25:35-40 NASB)

It is hard to change people’s attitudes about talking to strangers but we can all do our part in bringing about more conversations between strangers. So let’s continue to be welcoming and innovative as we organize activities that create spaces where people feel freer to talk, and by working with others across our community, we can raise awareness of the importance of talking to strangers.

As our tagline says, Cold Spring Presbyterian Church, Energizing Spirits. Transforming Lives.

All Are Welcome!

Sincerely,

Pastor Kevin